Lovers and Friends

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“You can have a friendship without a relationship, but you can’t have a relationship without a friendship.” — James M. Sama

I am addicted to this blog. James M. Sama has some seriously intriguing insights about dating, relationships, and happiness that grab my attention every time. He’s the pioneer of the New Chivalry Movement, where the tagline reads, “The gentleman is the new bad boy.” YES PLEASE.
I love this article for what it says about the importance of friendship in romantic relationships, but it brought up a question that the author purposely zoomed right through. (He’s saving it for another blog post, I can only hope.)
Can men and women just be friends? If so, does it matter if one party desires the other, if nothing ever comes of it? 
I would love to hear your comments on this topic.

8 responses to “Lovers and Friends”

  1. Marlynn @UrbanBlissLife Avatar

    Ahh the age old When Harry Met Sally question. :) I have a few close male friends with whom I’ve never had anything but platonic relationships, so I definitely believe men and women can be friends.

    1. beckydancer Avatar

      Just out of curiosity, were you and the men both single at the time? Or was it one single/one partnered? Or both partnered? Thank you for your input!

  2. kelsey Avatar

    i work in an office that would disprove that statement – men and women can’t be friends. but i do have male friends myself. usually my friendship with them is a bit more distant (no calling/texting, no deep feeling sharing) and usually accompanies my friendship with their significant other. i don’t really believe men and women can be deep friends or best friends without something else going on at some point for one of them.

    1. beckydancer Avatar

      Very interesting! Thank you for your comments. I like that you added the details about the levels of friendship. I may revisit this topic at a later date and add my own observations… and I think a lot of people would be interested to read a wide array of personal experiences.

  3. Kristi Avatar

    I say, yes, men and women can be friends without sexual attraction. But my husband claims that’s just the female POV. He thinks men are always interested. I still disagree, but who knows..

    1. beckydancer Avatar

      Yes, I’ve heard that a lot, Kristi!! I have always wanted to ask my male friends just that question, but was nervous to ask. ;)

  4. isisdreaming Avatar

    I have to say, a relationship between two prople takes the ‘yes’ of two people, right? So if one person is interested and one isn’t, then there has to be just a friendship.
    That said, I do think it changes the dynamic if you know one person wants more and the other doesn’t. But I think friendships ARE possible between men and women. After all, friendship is deep love and respect without any sexual ties, and don’t many of us have that already with the opposite sex or the sex to which we are attracted?

    1. beckydancer Avatar

      Thank you for your point of view! I agree that it does change the dynamic if it is clear that one person wants more than a relationship. I’ve always thought that it makes it pretty uncomfortable. Then again I have successfully navigated through something like that and remained friends, albeit NOT close friends. I really want to come back and revisit this and give some personal experiences. Although I know some of my male friends read my blog, so I’d have to change their names. ;)

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